Life with MND - 2011 - My thoughts - Part 1

Gordon created these 'thoughts' documents in two stages. I have left them as two 'posts' to hopefully show the progression he seems to want to convey.

My Thoughts

I’m a proponent of euthanasia - If I ever felt that my life had reached what I consider unbearable. At this time it’s the anticipation of indignities I’d have to face up to, like assistance for toileting, showering, shaving, even feeding. I feel at this time that would be “the final straw”.

But remember in 2006 when I lost both mobility and speech within a month I could have well said give me the “blue pill” to end it all, but I adapted reasonably well to my new, and alien world.

 

So I approach the future with an open mind. Maybe there is no condition that one cannot become accustomed to.

As I compose these particular notes it’s September, and after three years of very little deterioration there is now a sense of urgency to record my notes as typing becomes “iffy” because arms and hands are weakening so fast.

From 2007 until mid-2010 all daily chores were a challenge. Now even the most mundane task, certainly if it involves finer motor skills, needs lots of thought, focusing and effort to complete, all the time knowing full well that MND will be the victor in the end.

I see my MND like a spring, whereby the motor neurones being destroyed act as the winding mechanism, so reducing the radius of my daily achievements. Albeit ever so slowly, yet teasingly, tantalisingly, (meaning!  It’s now 15 months since the right arm, and hand started weakening and in that time there’s been many instances when I think it’s come back to normal strength, and suppleness) and yet relentlessly progressing until ending in what I suspect will be total paralysis.

 

It is a hellish disease for which there is no cure — It is certainly “character building” and frightening!!

The influences that helped sustain my independence till the present time, was I feel the book “Mind over Matter” by author “Harry Lorraine”, which I bought at the beginning of my ten year period with the civil service in the mid-sixties. I read this book many, many times, so much so, that to this day it helps me focus, organise my mind, and puts things into perspective. 

The other influence happened when I was at an impressible young age of seeing in a “magazine” an exponent of advanced yoga put a dagger attached to a metal rod to his throat and pushed against it bending the rod with no injury too his throat. This was awesome to think one could control the mind and muscles to such a degree. 

To be continued....